There's enough cougar town talk out there to convince women that youth is the way forward, real age gaps of 15 or 20 years, but I'm not sure. It frightens me, it feels wrong. I mean, after the initial 'oh my god, what will he FEEL like? what will I feel like to him?' moment, what next?
What if his youthful looks throw my ageing ones into sharp relief? Would I be forced to meet him only in half lit rooms and dark streets? How quickly would I would tire of explaining such things as Joey Deacon and why I attend 1980s themed parties dressed as a striking miner? Would he would steer conversation to things vague or technical, littered with 'awesomes' and peppered with positivity, things equally incomprehensible to me?
And physically, oh physically! So many of them are so slight, almost ethereal, like they haven’t 'filled out’ yet. (Did I really just write ‘filled out’? That's no way to talk about your lover, unless you're a catholic priest.) I prefer a lived in look to baby smooth clear skin, a solid body with a few scars, a body that hints at a lively past and a current exercise regime. And with that past a man my own age can often bring a certain gravitas to the bedroom that most boys cannot.
Early experimentation is no match for experience gained over many years service dedicated to The Cause (of good sex). And when it comes to a man's attitude to ‘that sort of thing’, I'm used to that of British men around my own age, men who grew up on porn and rejection; Cosmopolitan and lads’ mags. They grew up dirty-minded and grateful; obsessed with making women come and with sex in general. And at the same time us 'girls' were reaping the benefits of the previous generation's good work on contraception and women's liberation and were demanding the right to play too. Result! Rule Britannia!
Which brings me to Paul Weller. A hot 50 something, he's respectable but still rock and roll, he dresses well (very well), he’s handsomely lined of face and he has no pot belly; he’s talented, he’s hard and you know he still has the moves (if you doubt this,see him perform then get back to me, yeah?). And yes, I have the biggest crush on him. He is my poster boy for my generation's men - sexy, smart and sarcastic - just add flat stomached and well dressed to that list and the young boys can just jog on. It really is that simple.
Right then, that’s what I’m up to currently - daydreaming about a life with Paul Weller. . .Back to more general gender generalisations soon. Now, what's this wedding everyone’s been at today?
Sarah Silverman "I'm Fucking Matt Damon"
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